Gravelight
by the-secret-to-life
Summary: Do you understand how much it hurt to do the right thing and let him choose you? Can you even begin to comprehend how painful it was for me to watch him love you, to walk away and let him share with you the life I so desperately wanted. H/Hr eventually


**Authors Note: Hey guys I had this idea for I story I'm not sure if I'll keep going or not it depends on what reviewers think feedback would really help though hint hint. Anyway tell me what you think good or bad either helps. . I usually do AN in bold, regular story or present time in normal font and flash forward and back in italic. Sorry if it's a bit confusing at first.**

The late evening light bathed his grave with an eerie yet somehow peaceful glow. The irony had reached levels beyond mortal comprehension. Harry was dead.

Harry, her best friend, was dead.

Harry, who always tried to help, who willingly took the weight of the wizarding world upon his shoulders at the age of 11, was dead.

Gone forever,

He was never coming back.

Harry the boy she had loved for so many years, now existed only in her heart, in her memory, maybe in her dreams.

Realization sat heavily upon her shoulders. He had disappeared, slipped right through her finger tips. She would never be able to tell him how much she really cared. As unlikely as it was for her dream of falling in love and getting married and having a family to come true before, now it was truly impossible.

It hurt. It hurt like nothing she had ever felt before.

And yet, at the same time it was more than pain.

It hurt for years when she watched Harry flirt with other girls while she was sure he didn't even realize that she was female. It hurt when she watched as Harry fell in love with Ginny. It hurt when he asked Ginny to marry him.

It had hurt so much to do the right thing, the thing that she knew she needed to do for Harry's sake. It was almost unbearable to stand at the happy couple's side as they were married.

Later that night she felt her heart throb painfully when she realized that she was in love with her best friend and that she knew somehow she would never stop, when she realized that she couldn't even if she wanted to.

What she felt then was slight discomfort compared to what she felt now sitting in front of his grave, as the sun set, bleeding across the sky and mirroring her heart within her chest.

The first day, the first week, the first month came one after another marking the dates that seemed to hang ominously over her it had been six months one week three days and seven hours since she he had died. Six months one week three days and seven hours that she had lived without him.

It had taken her roughly one hundred and ninety-one days or approximately four thousand three hundred and forty-four hours or about two hundred and sixty thousand and six hundred and forty minutes to be able to visit his grave.

It had taken Ginny only about four months to start dating again. Although they were only married for a week or two before his death, Hermione was sure that it would have taken anyone as in love as Ginny claimed she had been much longer to start looking for a replacement for their spouse.

Hermione vividly remembered her fight with Ginny a couple months ago and how Ginny had seemed so non-schaluant about saying she was in love with someone new. Ginny had known about her crush on Harry, she had known since fourth year when it first happened. Hermione had told, Ginny had agreed with her and then perused Harry herself. Hermione tried to believe that it was coincidence and that Ginny's wanting Harry wasn't just to show her what she could get that Hermione could not.

_Hermione and Ginny were sitting outside at the burrow in the garden after one of the dinners at the Weasleys. Ginny had been dating for a bit again and seemed not to think it at all odd that she was seeking comfort in the arms of another man. _

"_I love him mione."Ginny broke the silence _

"_I loved him too Ginny, you know that." Hermione was quiet and half in another place looking into the setting sun._

"_No, I think I love Rick, well I'm pretty sure. I think we will get married soon, you know." Ginny sat down on one of the benches and messed with her hands nervously._

"…_w-what, Ginny don't you think that's rushing it just a bit, I mean I not saying that you don't like him or even love him but it's only been a couple of months since… yeah and do you really know the guy that well. I don't want you to rush into anything and make a mistake because you're lonely." Hermione's voice was shaky with disbelief._

"_No, I'm sure. Anyway I'm not sure harry was the right decision really. It's kinda worked out for the better that I met Rick actually." Ginny was apparently oblivious to Hermione's appalled reaction and wide open mouth._

"_Ginny how could you say something like that… it's awful. For the better, what's wrong with you couldn't stop talking about how much you loved Harry. He is dead Ginny. That is not for the better in anyway not even if you twist it a million times." Hermione stood quickly and wheeled around to face Ginny who was still seated on the bench._

"_Hermione I think your blowing this out of proportion, it really isn't that big of a deal. I'm lonely; you know what it's like…" Ginny was defensive now and hints of frustration laced her voice._

"_Out of proportion… He is dead Ginny! Harry is dead and all you can think about is remarrying because you're lonely. Did you love him Ginny; did you really love him as much as you said you did? Hermione was practically yelling._

"_You mean did I love him as much as you Hermione?" Ginny stuck her nose in the air and wouldn't meet Hermione's gaze._

"_I don't know Ginny did you? God I would have died for him, I would have taken his place in a heartbeat. You have no idea what it feels like to be lonely. I have been lonely, been in pain, for the last six years. You knew Ginny; you knew that I loved him. Do you think about him every minute of everyday like I did, like I still do? Do you feel the ache in your chest like your own heart is the one that's died? Ginny, does it hurt like nothing you've ever felt just the thought that he isn't going to get the happiness he deserved more than any one. Do you even realize how much he loved you Ginny, he chose you, you were his. Do you understand how much it hurt to do the right thing and let him love you? Can you even begin to comprehend how painful it was for me to watch him love you, to walk away and let him share with you the life I so desperately wanted." Hermione was practically screaming at Ginny now standing over her on the bench she couldn't believe Ginny would say these things._

"_You've always been jealous Hermione, but I suppose I would be too if I couldn't get any attention. Face it you know why he chose me, I won and that's it, it doesn't even matter anymore." Ginny was still brushing it off as if it was nothing. She continued to examine and pick at her perfectly manicured fingernails._

"_This is not about winning or losing and not about jealousy. I love him Ginny, more than you could ever imagine. I can't even sleep at night because I keep reliving that moment over and over again. I lie in bed some night for hours praying to god, begging myself to wake up and for everything to just be some awful nightmare. How could you do that to him?" Hermione had tears streaming down her cheeks and she knew her eyes would be red and irritated. She was aware that some of their friends inside could probably hear them but she didn't really care anymore._

_Before Ginny could form a reply Hermione swiveled round and headed inside to get her bag before going home. As she went back through the door way the only person she saw was Sirius who looked as though he wanted to reach out and stop her but instead he nodded and let her pass. She moved as quickly as she could through the dining room occupying everyone else, grabbed her purse and shoes and apparated away before anyone could stop her._

Hermione sighed and rested her flushed face against the cool surface of the headstone. She ran her fingers lightly over the engravings and let only a few last tears slid down her cheeks and into the grass below her.

She turned her head and pressed her lips gently to the smooth marble and then slowly got up and stepped back looking at the tree head stones next to each other. Finally together, father mother and son. Maybe there was one thing that was for the better at the very least he wasn't alone.

**O.K. I promise it won't be this sad and depressing the whole time so it will get better there are a couple ideas I already have that should make it interesting as well. Anyway what do you think… please review it really helps and I need to know whether or not to keep going with the story or not. Seriously though, even if it is only a little comment it helps. (0.o) kitty!**


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